Letter to a mum who’s gone

Family photographer in  London.

Hi Mum,

I’ve met a girl. It was a couple of months ago. I think you would like her. She has dimples on her face when she smiles, just like the ones you had. A pity that neither I nor any of my siblings inherited it. She is a beautiful girl, Mum. Difficult to describe. Inside and outside.

Today I brought her to have lunch at home with us. The Sunday lunch tradition keep going. Everyone likes her (impossible not to like). I feel she likes everyone too.

It was Dad who cooked, can you believe it? He made us a roast that was delicious. Who would have thought, right? We tried again to reproduce the strawberry jam you always used to make. Again, we failed. What was your secret anyway? It ends up getting good, but I don’t know, it’s not the same.

After lunch, we had a cup of tea and hung out in the living room. She saw that frame with the picture of us cooking, remember? It was your favorite. And then she asked me if we had more pictures like that from when we were kids. We all laughed, of course. In our laughter, a little joy, and a little longing. At that moment I realized that after months I had not yet talked about this part of our life with her. She did not quite understand at that moment. She had no idea how important the pictures were to you.

I opened the photo cabinet. It’s all still in the same place, the way you left it organized. I think none of us have had the guts to go through those albums since you left.

I never understood why so many pictures and videos when I was a kid. And the photographer who used to come here once a year, what was his name? I cannot remember, but I remember he had a funny laugh. None of my friends had a photographer who used to go to their homes even without a special occasion. And I did not know how to explain (or even understand) why you called him to shoot when there was nothing different going on.

But there were all those family albums and we picked a random one to show her. We started to see the first one and, at that moment, I understood everything. I felt my eyes getting wet. You were there, Mum. All the time you were there, giving us love and affection. I just would like to know that those moments with you wouldn’t last forever. That one day you wouldn’t be here anymore. I wish I could, for just a moment, go back in time.

At that moment I realized the importance of those mundane events of our daily life. The events and the photos. We always thought it was silly to give so much importance to that. But you were right. Today, the moments I miss the most, are exactly those simpler ones. You cooking while Dad fixes something at home. Or he making us our tree house. Remember that? We all together playing cards on a Tuesday evening. Morning complaints about everybody being late to school. I miss even the complaints.  

And I am very grateful to have a chance to relive those moments with those photos today. It’s awkward to think that those moments are the ones we usually are less inclined to register. We tend to think that tomorrow everything happens again and again. What we do not realize is that they are the same every day, but they will not be the same forever. 

Thank you, Mum, for giving so much importance to these memories and for saving these treasures for us. For teaching us to value what really matters to us. For being present for such a long (but also so short) time in our lives. These photos say everything.

What remains is we missing you and a cabinet that proves that we had a lovely Mum and a beautiful childhood. Simple but unique. Only ours.

I hope one day I will be able to do the same for the children I intend to have. Calm down, Mum, not now. I know I’m still very young and we’ve just met. But when the day comes, I want to do the same you did for us. And still be able to show our family albums and show my kids how our life was when I was little. And they’ll get to know you, Mum. A little at least.

We are missing you. Love!

.

.

.

 

 

.

.

.

I’m Morgana, a documentary and lifestyle family photographer in London specializing in natural newborn, baby, child, pregnancy, vacation and children’s party photography.

I believe that real life is all that we have, that’s why I love to photograph the real essence of every moment.

Available for natural in-home as well as on location sessions in London.